Electromagnetism & Illogical Feelings
by IDespiseTragedy
Summary: AU: The heir of the Irie Corporation needed to find a wife. What would he do when the damsel in distress turned out to be a tall, blond male mechanic?


Title: **Electromagnetism & Illogical Feelings**

Disclaimer: _Katekyo Hitman Reborn_ is Amano Akira's whereas _Gintama_ is Hideaki Sorachi's

Credit: many thanks to _MaskedSoldier_ for beta reading

Author's Note: This fanfic uses British English (some spelling and punctuation differences, such as single quotations for normal speech)

May this short fic brighten your birthday, _cleartempest_.

For those who are less familiar with British English, 'spanner' is the UK equivalent for 'wrench' whereas 'tailboard' for 'tailgate' and 'boiler suit' for 'coverall'.

'_Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.'_

– Albert Einstein –

Not so long ago, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a diminutive planet about 1/1000 the size of ours, known as 'Mini-Earth'. Its climate and topography did not differ much from those of Earth's, but it had only one central governing system in which all representatives from each district ruled together. Thus, the Republic of Mini-Earth remained the sole country on that planet.

Nonetheless, the Republic of Mini-Earth was by no means monotonous in culture; each clan prided themselves in their own customs, languages and cuisines. The rich civilisation blended harmoniously in everyday life. It was not uncommon that pedestrians wearing hanbok, toga, and leather mini skirts walking on a street loaded with flying cars and monorails.

One of the most distinguished clans among the Mini-Earthlings was the Irie Clan. Owning over sixty chain stores, the Irie Clan was the very manifestation of technology itself. Their products, from ordinary household appliances – such as washing machines and refrigerators – to the most advanced security devices – such as touch-sensitive alarms and laser beams – were famous nationwide.

One day, the leader of the Irie Clan fell ill. Hence, summoning his only child to his sickbed, he said, 'My son, health has abandoned me now that I am old. Won't you give me a grandchild or two before death opens its door for me?'

This request, or rather, a command in the guise of a request, troubled the young Irie. During the two and a half decades of his life, he had never found someone special. His love was devoted to machineries rather than to people. In the occasions when Shouichi tired himself out with sleepless nights of machine tuning, he would even fall asleep, standing against the wall while in the middle of removing his clothes.

Nevertheless, not wanting to disappoint his dear father, Irie Shouichi obliged. Upon returning to his own workshop, he posted the same message to all social networks known in Mini-Earth: WIFE WANTED.

Within minutes, various replies came. Some called him a nutter for hurrying to the marriage stage before even dating at least once. Some suspected him to plot a marriage scam. Some gave him positive response and even attached their marital resumes.

Shouichi browsed though the list of photos and sighed. He had no intention of spending the rest of his life with any of these women.

He adjusted his glasses and then returned to reading more recent replies. One of these caught his attention: 'Why don't you try rescuing the beautiful lady locked up in Merone Fortress?'

Merone Fortress, according to the search engines, was a place so perilously that no challenger ever succeeded in clearing its traps. It was located across Lake White Spell and accessible through a retractable bridge.

_Bridge?_ Shouichi scratched his chin. _Why would anyone need a bridge when flying vehicles are available?_

The bespectacled man did not find the answer until he arrived on the lake, or, to be more precise, _over_ the lake, riding his flying motorbike. When something sucked his bike into the water, he looked at his radar. It indicated that, at the bottom of the lake, lay a machine with such an immense magnetic force that pulled any metal within 100 metres radius upwards from the lake surface.

Hastily, Shouichi tuned up his bike engine to boost its air propulsion as well as activating its metaplas coating – a new substance he invented that combined the characteristics of metal and plastic; this feature kept the bike waterproof, bulletproof, anti-corroding and unaffected by magnetic force. The result from the contest between the pulling force from the lodestone-like machine in the lake and the tweaked motorcycle caused the bike to fly lower and slower than Shouichi intended, but it landed on the shore safely, nevertheless.

The scene of the brown-haired man parking his motorcycle and then folded it into a fist-sized box was displayed clearly on one of the security monitors in the fortress. The sole audience was a blond man sucking a strawberry-flavoured lollipop. Lips twitching upwards, he mussitated, 'Not half-bad, uninvited visitor; you managed to perform an emergency tune-up in one minutes thirty-nine seconds while sitting on your motorbike. Now then, let's see how you are going to enter this base.'

With that, he pressed some buttons on his control panel. Behind the speaker, a robot of half the height of an adult man glided across the room. The robot took out a sandwich and a cup of coffee from his stomach, which functioned perfectly as a microwave, oven and food warmer, and placed the tray on the desk. The speaker's gaze, however, did not wander off from the screen.

Shouichi walked almost encircled the fortress. He had studied the building's blueprint by means of the Irie Corporation's private satellite and had planned his access through the second window on the east side. However, now, the walls of the building were moving up, down and to the sides. Three minutes later, it became apparent that the structure had remodelled itself; what had been an ordinary cubical edifice now became something akin to an eighteenth-century castle. Cold sweat trickled down Shouichi's temple; his prior research served no function.

Since the main gate was protected by a portcullis, Shouichi decided to climb the wall and enter through the window of the tower – the only window visible. By activating the absolute gravitational force on his shoes, the shoes had such powerful grip on any solid surface, hence enabling Shouichi to walk on a vertical surface or even the ceiling.

After just three steps, large rocks and boiling water began to tumble from the battlemented tower platform. Shouichi retrieved his helmet and gloves in a hurry and then used metaplas coating on his clothes. As a result, the water could not permeate into him, as though he was protected by an invisible umbrella whereas the rocks split into smithereens whenever they hit him.

'That's quite handy,' commented the blond upon seeing the scene unfold from his monitor, 'but can that coating of yours endure laser?' He pushed another button.

Outside, five metal birds flew around the intruder, emitting red laser beams from their beaks. Shouichi's walk broke into a run. The missing shots perforated the walls he was striding on. He kept running until he reached the point where the circular wall of the turret met the flat one and pressed his back against it. This way, the birds could only target him from one angle and they had to cluster on his right hand side to do so. Shouichi threw a net of iron and captured those metal birds at one go. Once the five birds were trapped inside, the bespectacled inventor switched on the electricity current to destroy the targets with a short circuit. No further impediments thwarted him from reaching the window of the turret afterwards.

Nonetheless, if the Irie heir thought that he had overcome danger, the things that lurked in wait for him within the castle proved how mistaken he was: the laser-shooting birds could hardly count as an appetizer when compared to a Mosca – a bulky humanoid robotic suit, equipped with state of the art weaponry and fire power.

The moment Shouichi stepped down from the windowsill, the Mosca robot greeted him with the wave of its hand, each finger revealing a barrel of a gun. Like a helpless mouse skittering for dear life at the chase of a hungry cat, Shouichi ran in the rain of the Mosca's consecutive shots.

Storming outside the room, Shouichi opened the first door he encountered, intending to hide there. He was no athlete; he'd stand no chance against a robot of which legs were propelled by rockets, allowing it to charge forward and fly at jet speed. It was a good thing that the metaplas coating made his helmet and suit bulletproof; yet, even such coating could not endure more powerful attacks and he had an ominous feeling about the robot's backpack.

'NOOOOO!'

He shouldn't have allowed the precaution for the imminent danger blind him from a more pressing matter, but as always the case with clumsy youths, morale came after experience and the realisation of the lesson became too late. His body was now falling from at least 1,000 feet altitude; the door he had just opened in haste led to the outside of the tower rather than to another room.

Shouichi activated the absolute gravitational force on his shoes again and grabbed the nearest wall. When he regained his footing at last, he exhaled in relief. At times like this, he thought he could hear even the slightest disturbance on the water below – the fish emerging briefly on the lake surface – along with the insanely loud thumping of his own heart. The wind swept across his face, reminding him on the soft touch his late sister used to give him.

It was thanks to his elder sister's existence that he had been spared of the marriage prospect for many years. In contrast to the solitary, machine-maniac Shouichi, his sister was cheerful girl with an air of leadership – an ideal heiress to shoulder the Irie Corporation's future – but she had passed away six months before in a hiking accident. It was owing to his sister's death that Shouichi had invented the application of absolute gravitational force on everyday objects.

Before re-entering the window, Shouichi took out his pocket computer and brought a 3D hologram of himself to life. His plan was to have the Mosca pursue his morphed image instead of his real figure. Unfortunately, when the plan was executed, the robot only looked at the bait briefly, and then chose to ignore it. Instead, the Mosca launched a missile from its left shoulder onto the window.

_Crap! That Mosca's radar must be sensitive to heat and motion in addition to vision_. Shouichi quickly ducked to hide himself again, sweating; the missile missed him only by a hair.

The brunet pushed some other buttons on his keyboard, activating the electric flux scrambler. There were two versions of this programme. The older one was achievable by inserting a ping-pong ball-sized instrument into an electromechanical device, which then shuffled the target's electromagnetic waves and brought it into malfunction. However, later, Shouichi developed a remote version which affected all electromechanical devices within ten yard radius through air directly from his computer. As a result, the Mosca jerked a few times before starting to perform what seemed to be an awkward imitation of hula dance.

Reckoning that it was safe to make his entry now, the bespectacled technician jumped in. He then walked around the Mosca, searching for a hatch-opening; being a nerd meant that he always carried his toolbox wherever he went. After unscrewing the tailboard at the robot's lower back, he tuned it up so that the Mosca obeyed his every command thereafter.

'Guide me the way to your proprietor,' he bade the tamed robot.

The parts where the Mosca's eyes were located blinked green. The robot walked to the other part of the room, where it stepped its heel on a particular tile twice, and then rotated its foot ninety degree. A portion of the floor formed a coin-shaped depression, enough to accommodate ten humans or five Moscas in standing position, and kept moving downwards. Shouichi understood that this was some kind of elevator and followed the Mosca, standing next to it.

On the next lower floor, however, the elevator stopped, or, to be more precise, _was forced to _stop. Three more Moscas had been waiting for them, bombarding them with the salutation from their Finger Guns. The tamed Mosca took initiative to shield Shouichi from its colleague's attacks. It even launched the Compressed Particle Beam from the circular hole on its chest onto the remaining Strau Moscas.

One of their three opponents fell. The other two fused into a bigger robot with a more menacing appearance: King Mosca. The power of Shouichi's defendant could not rival King Mosca's; one blast of the King Mosca's missile was all it took for the tamed Strau Mosca to disintegrate. Nevertheless, its sacrifice was not for nothing. During a couple of seconds it kept King Mosca occupied, Shouichi activated the electric flux scrambler again. The effect, this time, was not a tap dance; the King Mosca went berserk and fired its entire ammunitions onto the surrounding walls.

Shouichi lay flat on the floor, daring not move until the gigantic robot was out of ammo. Even then, the robot detached itself of its limbs and threw those parts onto the unmoving walls. Not until there was nothing remained from the robot but is head and trunk did Shouichi got up to his feet again and resumed the course of the elevator.

The elevator finally came into a halt at what seemed to be the basement of the edifice. Everything around him displayed metallic ambience – steel coloured wallpaper, steel patterned linoleum floor, brushed steel worktop and even steel bin. However, what made this place felt like home most were the myriads of cables, machineries and peripherals of unfinished products. There was no doubt that the owner of the room was a mechanic like himself.

'So, you've destroyed my Moscas.' A blond young man, a year below him, remarked indifferently while still sucking a lollipop. Rather than bitter, his voice was calm as the lake outside albeit his tone was laced with traces of awe.

Shouichi replied, I'm sorry, but they nearly killed me…,' then quickly added an afterthought, '… though, yes, it was my fault to come here uninvited at the first place. I wouldn't have done any damage to those robots if I could help it. I love machines, so it pains my heart to put one into dysfunction.'

'Yeah, I know.' The blond in green boiler suit smiled.

Suddenly Shouichi felt another adrenaline pumping that had nothing to do with mortal peril.

The host spoke to the uninvited guest again, 'Tell me why you've come here.'

'I need to find myself a wife and I heard a rumour about a damsel in distress being held as a hostage here.'

'Sorry to disappoint you, but that is just a rumour; I'm the only one who lives here. Was the one who told you used the user name "Byakuran", "Orchidea Bianca", "Orchidée Blanche", or "White Orchid" in any other language, perchance?'

Shouichi visualised the social networking post of the rumour in his mind before answering, 'As a matter of fact, yes.' Then, curiosity made his eyebrow arch. 'Why?'

'That's my boss, the president of the Millefiore Corporation. He needs test subjects for Mosca's latest weaponry. Naturally, "come and rescue a princess" sounds more appealing than "come and see my technician", doesn't it?'

Before Shouichi spoke any further, a high-pitched sound beat him into it. It was, he learnt later, the sound of the door bell. Spanner glimpsed at one of his monitors before pushing a button, commenting, 'They are one hour late for the appointment.'

On another monitor, Shouichi saw the retractable metal bridge being extended to spread over the lake and the portcullis being raised. A party of three pretty girls reached their room a few minutes later.

Shouichi raised his eyebrow; somehow these girls seemed familiar, but he could not remember where he had seen them. Their hair was painted with a gradation from fuchsia to violet and their eyes were all lavender-coloured. Each seemed to be no more than two years older than the other.

'Anything needs replacing?' Spanner asked the oldest girl.

Having no further business here, Shouichi was aware that he should take his leave. Nonetheless, the girl's reply quirked his curiosity even further. 'Yesterday, the crowding fans were too rough; I think my right arm is dented.'

_Dented?_

She unrolled her sleeve, while Spanner pressed a certain part of her head and the skin on her arm elevated itself, and then slid sideways. Instead of flesh and arteries, what lurked underneath the artificial skin were lumps of metal and circuits of cables.

'I remember now!' Shouichi exclaimed, 'You're the Floral Sisters! I can't believe such a famous band who frequently appears on TV consists of androids!'

'There are loads of android celebrities out there,' the second sister, Gladiola, shrugged. '_Miracle Boy Gloxinia_ and _Iris of the Charming Whip_, to name a few.'

'No way; you must be joking! I mean, you consumed human food … I remember seeing you starring a chocolate advertisement.'

'It's true,' confirmed the youngest of the three sisters, Camellia.

Camellia smirked. 'We can consume food or drink, even poison, if required. We are equipped with discharging facilities; just need to push the eject button.'

'Right, I've finished amending Begonia,' said Spanner, now pressing the hidden button at the back of the eldest sister's head. 'You're next, Gladiola.'

'I'm good overall. Just need more stock on the aging spray.'

'Aging spray?' asked Shouichi in confusion.

'Yeah, the artificial skin of android can't age unless it is coated with the aging spray. Once a month of spraying interval is enough,' she explained to Shouichi, and then turned to the other man, 'Oh, and make that the ration for three, Spanner.'

'No problem.' Spanner took three red bottles from one of the shelves at the corner of the room and put the bottles inside an eco-friendly disposable bag. 'Anything I can do for you, Camellia?

'Mm, I've been thinking of having rockets installed in my legs.'

It was her sisters who responded, 'Not that again! The fans won't be amused to see you fly in the middle of our concert.'

'Fans! Fans! All you can think about is fans! Never me!' She folded her arms in front of her chest with a pout.

Shouichi couldn't help murmuring to Spanner, 'Wow, you installed very convincing personality befitting a sulking teenage girl.'

There was pride in Spanner's smile. 'I studied human behaviour thoroughly and did a lot of tests before any of the androids I made were released into the market. This kind of android is made to please humans, after all.'

This made Shouichi nearly choke on his coffee. What did Spanner mean by 'did a lot of tests' on the androids?

'Thanks, Spanner. We're leaving,' said Begonia, 'Send the bill to our production office as usual.'

Spanner picked up a screwdriver and continued to work on his unfinished machine as soon as the three idols left. Shouichi stood there in silence, inspecting Spanner's absorbance with work. After a few minutes, he saw Spanner's hand probing on the floor, while the mechanic's eyes were still transfixed at the half-finished machine.

'Here.' The bespectacled audience passed a spanner to the other man.

'Thanks,' said the blond without taking his gaze off the machine.

'I heard that Gladiola girl calling you "Spanner"; is that your nickname?'

'Sort of. Years ago, I was one of the nameless orphans who lived on the streets until the Millefiore Corporation gave us jobs. Byakuran was pleased with the way I handled machines, so he gave me the chief technician post and give me this Merone Base as a workshop. The people outside called it a "fortress", though, thanks to its tight security. Anyway, my colleague started calling me "Spanner" since I was rarely seen without one.'

Then, Spanner's eyes left his machine and moved to Shouichi. 'What about you?'

'Oh, I'm…' With that, Shouichi briefly explained his background and why he was in need of a wife.

At the end of Shouichi's story, spanner offered, 'I can build you an android for a wife, if you want.'

'But what about the heir issue? No android can procreate, right?'

'I'll give you an android in the form of a baby next year then. I'll keep adding and adjusting parts of the android on a monthly basis until the baby grows into a child. I'll also supply your wife-to-be with skin inflation spray. Just apply it to her tummy weekly for nine consecutive months.'

'Gee, that sounds neat. But will that theory really work?'

'We'll never know until we try.'

'How long will you need to finish the female android?'

'A couple of days from now.'

'Let me help you.'

'Right. Let's start with the computer simulation first. Any idea about your ideal three sizes?'

'Three sizes of what?' asked Shouichi uncomprehendingly.

'Bust-waist-hips.'

Thus, the two men pulled out an all-nighter.

###

The following afternoon, before two exhausted mechanics, stood an android of a rare beauty, with voice softer than the breath of wind and gait more graceful than a swimming swan.

'I'm sure father will be pleased.'

Spanner nodded. 'Her demeanour entitled her to be the closest living manifestation of a _yamato nadeshiko._ Besides, we even made her racially similar to you, so I don't see why your father should be displeased having her as a daughter-in-law.'

'Thank you so much, Spanner…,' Shouichi extended his hand, '… for everything.'

Spanner clasped Shouichi's hand and said, 'Come back anytime if you need any maintenance done.'

Shouichi walked away with the female android. Just after a few steps away from the portcullis, he felt he had left something behind and cocked his head to the Merone Base's direction. But what? What did he really leave behind? He had his wallet, mobile phone, pocket computer and toolbox with him.

_It's a part of me – something inside me – that's missing_, a voice echoed inside his head.

_Don't be absurd! _argued another voice, _How was it possible that you left an organ of yours there? _

Shouichi was a scientist and a scientist ought to follow logic. He resumed his steps even though something inside him informed him that life would never be the same again for him.

After Shouichi and the android mounted on the flying motorbike, Spanner's castle returned to its former, military base-like shape.

###

Shouichi's father, relatives and even household servants were fond of Shouichi's fiancée, whom he claimed to have met through a social media networking. When they were in public, she would address him 'dear' as well as hold his hand, and he would accept this treatment without the slightest recoil. Only when they were safe behind the door of their bedroom, did they dared to drop all pretence. He buried himself with work and appreciated the fact that she did not disturb him. She was a good assistant and also nice to behold, and he appreciated her, yet appreciation was different from infatuation.

When she served him tea, he noticed how dainty her fingers were in contrast to Spanner's calloused ones. He recalled the time the blond technician shook hand with him. It was then he realised that this was the touch he truly longed for. No matter how close to perfection his wife-in-name was, it was not her figure that persistently filled his mind.

###

Three days later, Spanner sighed after sipping the coffee Mini Mosca had brewed for him. He had been accustomed to work alone before; yet, after just working together once with Shouichi, he missed the brunet's company. Hence, when the doorbell rang and the Irie heir's figure appeared on the monitor alongside with his wife, the blond got up from his seat in excitement and let the guests in without further ado.

'So, what can I do for you today?' asked Spanner once the three of them were inside his workshop.

He saw Shouichi gulping before answering, 'My stupid curiosity messed her up. I tried to replace some cables and added some new features, but the result was catastrophic. She has a speech impediment now.'

Spanner's tone was patient and kind. 'You were trying to improve her. I wouldn't call that "stupidity". Now let's dissect her and analyse the problem, shall we?'

The moment Spanner saw the arrangement of the cable circuits, he cast a knowing gaze but remained silent until he finished amending the android some ten minutes later.

Shouichi gulped again before thanking him and bade him goodbye. When the brunet turned his heel, the blond held him by the shoulder. 'Hold it.'

The jerking motion Shouichi made was too obvious to miss.

'You are very nervous, and yet, you deliberately mismatched your android's cables,' Spanner spoke, 'Dare I say that you did these just to see me … that perhaps you missed me?'

The bespectacled mechanic's heart raced; it was true that the android's damage was a mere excuse to meet Spanner. He turned to face the other man. He did not know why, at that moment, more than anything in the world, he had the urge to cling onto Spanner. Nor did Shouichi understand how Spanner's gaze alone was enough to make his lips tremble with the effort to form words.

He did not, or rather, could not, move away when Spanner's fingers clumsily caressed his cheeks, traced his jaw line and tiled his chin. Slowly, gently and … the taller man's lips were upon his own.

For several seconds only one thing appeared in Shouichi's mind: strawberry.

Then, he realised that this was the taste of Spanner's tongue, or that tongue had been licking strawberry flavoured lollipop, to be more precise.

Shouichi also made a mental note that he had to revise studying the electromagnetic theory. He remembered the magnetic reaction when a balloon was put nearby one's hair. Yet, he did not recall an even stronger magnetic reaction when two pairs of lips were sucking each other or perhaps the sparks of electricity that heated his body.

Spanner was a mechanic; he knew the course of the most complicated cables inside a robot better than the articulation of emotion in a human's veins. Hence, he never guessed that, in a kiss, beyond feeling the softness of his partner's lips, something inside him soared; for it was not only his skin that Shouichi touched, but also his soul.

Spanner gazed at the man before him. Who exactly was the lovely stranger that induced new emotions that no manual book had ever introduced before?

This new sensation – whatever it was – was blissful and he wanted the kiss to last for more. He drew his face closer, ready to lunge again. However, this time, his temple knocked on the shorter man's glasses, followed by the glasses' owner's nervous chuckle. Gently, the blond removed the glasses from the brunet's face.

No symptom of resistance made its appearance on Shouichi's complexion. His gesture, however, was shy. It was tempting to keep staring at the helpless brunet, but at the same time, he also longed to kiss those lips as soon as possible. When Spanner was torn between what to do, Shouichi pulled him into an embrace. His face reddened and his palms were sweaty, but he gave the taller man no luxury to enjoy the view for too long. He snatched Spanner's lips faster than lightning did.

They kissed again and again until Spanner, after catching his breath, proposed, 'Live with me.'

For one full minute, Shouichi fell silent, and during that minute, the world went still and an aeon's worth of fear and anticipation reigned over Spanner. Not daring to blink, Spanner could only observe wordlessly when the man before him directed his gaze to meet his eyes and slowly opened his mouth with his face thoroughly flushed.

The bespectacled mechanic took a deep breath before nodding. 'I'll tell my family that I wish to live alone with my wife and that this Merone Base is the estate I'm going to buy as my residence. That way, we only need to adjust my wife and child's androids when we visit my father four or five times a year.'

As the brunet rested his head against the hollow of the blond's throat, he felt the taller man's neck vibrating. Then, a gentle voice reached his ears, 'Welcome home.'

OWARI


End file.
